Why Are We Still Cussing?
By Angela Brown
Our “cussing husbands” was the chatter in the locker room this morning. If you are unaware, or haven’t been to the gym in a while, the locker room is the best group therapy your gym membership can buy. Every morning at make-up time the ladies of the locker room catch up with each other about holidays, work, kids, and of course our cussing husbands. It seems that there is a consensus that we women can do things better than men.
Laura was on a rant about how she clogged the drain to the kitchen sink with food, and the garbage disposal wasn’t working properly. She hoped her husband would repair it when he got home, but he didn’t and she was peeved. So she left the sink for him to fix the following day, and the day after. A week passes and she refuses to do dishes, knowing the unusual mess would catch his attention and this would guilt him into fixing it. Finally last night a cussing match broke out. She was cussing because he was so lazy, and he was cussing because he said he didn’t read minds and didn’t know he was supposed to fix the sink.
“How many times did you ask him?” we wanted to know.
Laura explained that she didn’t ask him at all. “After having been married that long he should know when the sink isn’t working.”
There were a few chuckles and the conversation turned to how our cussing husbands are so impatient when they discover something in the house or car is broken and it’s just easier for us to fix the problems ourselves or pay a repair guy, than to get our husbands involved.
I thought about Laura on the drive home. There is a difference between communicating and nagging, but it’s probably safe to assume, that no matter how long you’ve been in a relationship, your partner probably doesn’t read minds. I know mine doesn’t. He’s not even close at guessing, but I love him anyway.
We Can End the Cussing
If you live long enough, something in your house, your car or your life is going to break. No, I’m not a fortune teller, but it’s been proven that crystal clear communication about the problem, with a solution offered is way better than expecting someone who loves you, and wants the same things you do, (in this case a fixed garbage disposal), to read your mind.
By the time I reached the house, I had the cure for cussing husbands. Check it out:
Nobody likes to be shamed, nagged, or plagued by guilt – it’s just not a very productive way to get the help you need.
With small children, we speak in simple terms. We go into detail to make sure we are heard, and understood, and then we explain why what we need is important to us. Without being condescending, be specific when sharing your “to do” list with your partner, with a child, with a client, co-worker, or employee. They might surprise you with how willing they are to help you out, and you might prevent a cussing match.
NOTE: And if you are hiring outside help to repair broken things, or come in and clean your house – the same rules apply. Make sure you explain your needs and expectations upfront so both you and the house cleaner or the repair guy can surprise you with their fantastic service.
Photo: Lynn Friedman – Flickr