The house cleaner can’t take a hint and it’s driving the client crazy. The cleaner talks too much and is self-absorbed. Are you killing your profits by wasting time in meaningless conversations while you should be working? Now you can take control of the conversation with these simple tips.
Listen: My House Cleaner Can’t Take a Hint
Watch: My House Cleaner Can’t Take a Hint
Hey there, I’m Angela Brown, and this is Ask a House Cleaner. This is a show where you get to ask a house cleaning question, and I get to help you find an answer. You can find this and 400 other answered questions in this series on our YouTube channel.
My House Cleaner Can’t Take a Hint
My house cleaner can’t take a hint. Oh no, what are we going to do now?
So today somebody wrote in to the show, and she said, “My house cleaner just stands over me and talks for hours. I hide in a room most of the time. Then I come out when it’s time for her to leave. And after she’s done, she stands there and she spends an hour talking to me. I know everything about her life at this point.
And I don’t want to be rude and say, well leave already. I barely get any replies. I keep staring at my laptop and I just say things that, Hmm, oh, okay. And she won’t stop. I wear headphones and she doesn’t care. She’s a good cleaner, but I hate this.”
Time is Money for House Cleaners
All right, so we’re going to stop for just a second. And I’m going to tell you what’s going on. And then we’re going to have a moment of tough love. And I’m going to tell you how you can fix the situation as a homeowner.
All right, so what’s going on first is we have a solo house cleaner and this is my guess from what I just read, she’s a solo house cleaner, she does not work for a franchise or she would have a boss that’s a stickler about time.
Because time is money in the cleaning business. So she works for herself and she’s not cognizant of time.
She Might Be Using You for Free Therapy
The second thing is, she’s lonely, she works by herself, she has no social interaction and she’s using you as free therapy. Now, if she had another job to go to and her schedule was booked, she herself would be in a rush to get to the next house.
But since she’s not and she has hours to spend chit-chatting, she’s using you as free therapy. Okay, so that is what is going on by my guesstimation. I might be wrong, but I think I’m probably somewhere accurate.
You Have to Go Beyond Hints
All right, so here’s the moment of tough love. As the homeowner, you have tried to send hints and you have been kind. But sending the hints is not working. She does not read minds and she does not take hints. So we have to go a step beyond that and we have to make some new boundaries. And this is the tough love moment where we have to admit you have been enabling her behavior.
Now, without knowing it, you’ve been doing what we call the five I heard yous. The five I’ve heard yous are fantastic when you are in an argument or a disagreement, or you’re dealing with a bratty teenager or something like that. Where somebody is coming at you with their information and you want to end the conversation and you don’t want to agree or disagree.
So you say neutral things that are called the five I heard yous, which are things like, “Hmm. Oh, isn’t that interesting? That’s fascinating. Huh?” Those are neutral comments. It doesn’t mean, yes I agree or no, I don’t agree. But what it does is it encourages conversation, so the person can blow off steam.
You’ve Been Encouraging Her Behavior
So whether you knew it or not, you’ve been enabling this behavior. That’s why it keeps continuing. And the more you say, “Hm.” It sounds like you’re thinking through what she’s just mentioning. And she says, “Oh.” In the back of her mind, “She didn’t understand what I said.
She’s thinking about it, let me explain it a different way.” And she continues. So you’ve been encouraging this and enabling it. I know, cut it out already, please. So it says you’ve been hiding in the other room and you come out when it’s time to leave.
Again, I’m guessing, but I’m guessing it’s because you’re coming out to pay her for the service. So what you might do is ask upfront, is there a way that I could give you my credit card through an encrypted service so that you could have this on file and you could just charge me at the end so I don’t have to come out at the end every time.
You Could Switch Her to an Automatic Payment
And she might say, “Yes, we have that as an option. I would love to switch you over to automatic payments.” Or if she has a credit card swiper that she’s swiping through like the little square nugget, or maybe you’re writing her a check and the price is different.
Here’s what I want you to do, I want you to memorize this statement and this will work for all different kinds of closures of business deals.
So come out and you say, “How much is it for today? Great. Let me write you a check.” You write her a check and you say, “Is there anything else you need from me before you leave?” And she’ll say, “No, no just the check. That’s fine.” Yada, yada. And then she’ll start talking.
Don’t Let Her Start Talking
“Great. I’m going to get back to my work. I’m going to let you get back to your work. Thanks so much for your help. I’ll see you next time.” And then leave and go to the next room. Okay?
So it’s a series of behaviors and a series of things you do say. The things you say, “Is there anything else you need from me before you leave? Okay. Thanks so much for your help. I’m going to get back to my work. I’m going to let you get back to your work. I’ll see you next time.”
And then leave and if she’s talking too much, let her just talk into thin air as you walk into the other room. Now, the first time you do it, it will seem a little bit abrupt and like, whoa I wonder if she’s mad at me. I wonder if maybe she’s busy or she has something going on.
This is a Business Transaction
That’s the new norm. This is a business transaction. You did not invite her out to lunch. You did not invite her out to coffee and you are certainly not her free therapist. So acting as if you are enabling that behavior.
So new boundaries, new year, new resolutions, new time commitments. You’ve got to move on. So by putting your foot down and by saying this is the new norm, you come in quickly every time, she’s going to get the hint very quickly. “Oh, wait a second.” Because you said she’s a great cleaner, it’s just the personal stuff that we don’t want to add on.
You Have to Wrap it Up Every Time
Right, now one of the things that I want you to pay attention to is at the end of every, whatever it is you do, there should be a button on it. There should be a close. There should be a wrap-up. At the end of this video, as we always do, that’s it for today, thanks for joining us, leave us a thumbs up.
And then we say, to put the button or the close on it, “Leave the world a cleaner place than when you found it.” Right? That is the wrap-up that your brain signals and says, “Oh, we’re coming to a close.” That’s either way you can jump out and go on to do something else.
Or you can say, “Oh, I wonder what kind of videos are going to pop up when this is over.” But your brain has already gone into the close-out mode. And so if you come in, how much is it for today?” And you come in right with that exact same close every single time. What you do is you retrain her to say, “Oh, she’s going to be in and out.”
Don’t Ask About Her Personal Life
And she’ll get very quick about giving you the prize. Saying goodbye and then you’re on your way. And just because you listened to her in the past does not mean you need to listen to her in the future.
You don’t need to ask her, and I wouldn’t ask her about how’s your personal life and how’s all this other stuff going. Because again, you’re not her therapist. It’s the wrong relationship for that. This is a business transaction. So if you guys are friends, I recommend that you do go out for a coffee, keep it separate.
If she starts into a tirade of, “Oh, well this, that and the other happened in my personal life.” “I would love to chat. Let’s grab a cup of coffee sometime, but right now I’ve got work I have to do. So it was so good to see you again. Thanks again for your help. I’ll see you next time.”
Keep it Short at the End of the Cleaning
And keep it very, very short. Don’t stand there. Don’t look at your computer. Don’t wear your earbuds. Come right in, look her in the eye, give her the money and then get out again. Because the sending hints and the being kind and all that stuff doesn’t necessarily work. So it’s the new boundaries we’re going to create.
I hope this helps a little bit. If you are a house cleaner, please take heed and realize that your customers are not your therapists. And please do not chat their ear off.
Resources
4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work–Anywhere – https://amzn.to/3pqxXte
Conflict Resolution Playbook: Practical Communication Skills for Preventing, Managing, and Resolving Conflict – https://amzn.to/2Zo9iLu
Big Talk, Small Talk (and Everything in Between): Effective Communication Skills for All Parts of Your Life – https://amzn.to/3br3jLB
Nonviolent Communication – https://amzn.to/37iftVO
Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High – https://amzn.to/37it8fe
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